Travel With Me
by Allthebuttons
Summary: The Doctor is dead and Clara is alone in the world. His final request is revealed and Missy is to be the one to impart it. So she and Clara go to a cafe...
1. Chapter 1

**Warning, heaving mentions of suicide from beginning to end. Not sure if that'll effect any of you but I feel obliged to warn.**

The evening was grey, fittingly so, or so she thought as she sat on the edge of that multi-storied car park in the middle of London. The city lights swam alive and vibrant below her but all she could see of it was tedious existence. She wanted to see the stars again but they were locked behind clouds for as far as her eyes could see. She had never felt so claustrophobic before, not even in collapsing tunnels or sunken bases. But right now the sky pressed down on her, forcing her lower and lower, shackling her to the Earth and strangling the breath out of her long before she could even stomach the word 'jump' rolling off her tongue. Now she repeated it like a chant. Over and over barely a whisper and each time it slipped from her mouth she felt that weight lift ever so slightly. Sure she was that she would not fall but fly. Her mind would be freed and her soul unchained but to reach this end she would first have to jump. And so she found herself rising, her two feet on the edge of oblivion, a thousand snarling beasts waiting to consume her and cold wind caressing her skin raising her gooseflesh in the ever so blessed reminder that she was alive. Just this once and for the last time.

"Jump, jump," she recited and she pictured herself falling, not falling, running. Running fast. What from? It didn't matter. What mattered was the jump in her step, the rapid breathing, the hand clasping hers. "Jump, just jump." she urged herself, stepping closer and biting back the tremble in her lip. She was searching for the thrill that would drive her forward but only found the wind lacing through her fingers where his ought to be, where his would never be again. He had thought he was saving her life but instead he had condemned her to live. She drew blood. Not intentionally and she hadn't realised until the coppery taste of it was swimming plentifully in her mouth. And then everything was so much more real she couldn't bare it. The fall in front of her was and advancing threat, the blood so sickly she began to heave and the wind became and icy viper than left her shivering in her skin. She willed herself away from the edge, stepping backwards, no, tripping, stumbling, landing painfully on her tail bone which would surely be bruised by morning. Despite the pain she shuffled backwards, spitting out the blood as it pooled in her mouth, sobbing openly as she sought to get away from the edge, fearing the oblivion she teased with her presence would not allow her to escape so easily. Her retreat didn't end until she realised it could go no further, her back was pressed against the concrete wall of the stairwell but she couldn't bring herself to rise and flee. After all, how could she flee from herself. If ten minutes ago she craved death, in ten minutes time she could crave it again and what if she wouldn't stop? What if she didn't realise why she should stop? But that was ten minutes away. For the next nine, she'd weep, she'd grieve and she'd cast murmured apologies into the wind, maybe they'd reach the stars on her behalf and somewhere, somewhen, he would hear it and know it true.

A time passed, how long was unknown, but it was night and dark and the clouds had parted. Clara was well beyond weeping point and her eyes were cast downwards, falling heavy as she drifted into sleep. Her hands were weaved into her hair, the only thing keeping her upright as the weight of the evening was pulling her down. The concrete could've been a feather bed for all she cared and she almost gave in. Then a strange hand crept into her hair and stroked her almost lovingly. Clara's hands were soon unwoven from the mess of her hair and she was linked with hers. Strange? They had never held hands before but she knew it was hers. Who else could it be.

"Come with me," Missy urged and somehow she found the strength to obey.

* * *

 **AN: So this will be a two parter, purely because like Clara I feel the pull of sleep. The next and final chapter will be up in a day or so. On a more serious note, this is the first time I've ever written anything on the matter of suicide. I'm incredible ignorant on the topic and if anyone feels I've done a massive disservice to the topic please feel free to inform me. What is life for, if not for learning afterall.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Three parter! How did that happen? Oh yes a day plagued by migraines. I hope you don't mind the extra delay until completion, this isn't the only WIP i've got going at the moment. Another WARNING, if you walked into this fic expecting fluff...expect otherwise.**

* * *

Morning came soon enough. She woke alone in a bedroom of a more sensual décor than she deemed appropriate for her mood but she appreciated it nonetheless. Last night had left her feeling exhausted and exposed when the last of her hardened resolve dripped away in the cascade of tears. She wanted nothing more than to bury herself underneath the safety of the silken sheets, hide until her tough exterior restored and she could face the world again but her body forbade her such respite. From the moment she opened her eyes she was aware of the hard pounding in her head, the sore aching around the skin of her eyes and the parched, cracking state of her lips. She attempted to clear her throat, finding it equally wanting of water and from her mouth was torn a chain of hoarse coughing that threatened to black her vision and starve her of breath. Tossing herself to the bed's edge she stretched out a hand to the bedside cabinet where a tall glass of water waited temptingly for her. The cool liquid was like sweet syrup down her throat and she drank it down to a half point before she stopped for air. One ill of the morning dealt with, she intended to bathe to fix her eyes and her head would just have to be soothed by time.

She walked to the only door in the room, at first expecting it to open up to a long TARDIS hallway but instead walking into a bathroom with a steaming hot bath waiting for her in the middle. She tested the water with the tip of her finger. Thinking it perfect, she unbuttoned the dress she had slept in and sunk down into the water, resting her head over the side so the warm water lapped against her jawbone. Eyes closed, she listened to the peaceful thrum of Missy's TARDIS, and soon found all pain melt away.

A sudden chill brought her out of her peace as the water line receded leaving her neck and collarbone bare to the cold. Bath time was over so it seemed. She rose to a waiting towel, wrapping it around herself and taking another for her hair. Walking through the same door she was back in her bedroom. The sheets were tucked in immaculately and something new had popped up on the bedside cabinet. Next to the tall glass of water that had been refilled was a large coffee in a take away cup and a change of clothes all neatly folded. A note rested on top.

 _Stopped off at yours. Brought everything you'll need. Meet me outside.-Mxxx_

Missy had indeed brought her everything, right down to clean underwear and so she began to change. When her skin dried she slipped her legs into black trousers and fastened the belt at her waist. Next down on the pile was bright white blouse, feminine but largely featureless except for the subtle lace design at it's collar. Finally was a familiar black blazer which she swung on immediately to warm her arms but there was something obstructing in the right sleeve. She made a grab for the item and withdrew her arm and when she opened her palm she was looking down on a clip on bow tie. Her mouth made a rounded 'O' shape and something warm crept down her check, but he was lost too long ago for tears and the tie only brought a sad smile to a face. Setting it down gently on the pillow she turned, now facing a mirror her mouth vocalised the 'oh' she had started earlier and she cast her eyes downwards, unable to look at her self. Black trousers, black jacket, white shirt and nothing more. How minimal and how like he she looked.

Slipping on shoes, she left the mirror behind her. The one door opened up to a corridor and a short walk later she was in the TARDIS control room. Unlike the Doctor's, Missy's TARDIS had only a single floor, was largely unadorned and soaked in a grey eerie lighting. The central command pillar gave off a subtle pink glow and, as a superior model, the TARDIS had an ever present visual interface. When she walked in the image had distorted, contorted and became like static imagery before embodied the image of the person she most esteemed. And the eyes of her grey haired Doctor followed her silently as she made for the exit.

Taking two steps out of a red telephone box Clara concluded it to be morning. Buffeted by winds she wrapped her arms around herself, keeping her blazer as closed as she could. It was a quiet street. _Not London then._ London would be rife with nine to fivers, street cleaners and delinquents even in the early hours of the day. But she was on a high street that was slowly waking up. Doors were opening and patrons were window shopping. In fact, it all looked quite familiar. She pondered this some more as she strolled downwards, ever wary of the swarm of gulls flying overhead. Finally the high street ended at a long road and beyond that a mile of sand and then the Irish sea. She didn't protest the smile that tugged at her lips then. Not once she realised where she was.

"Millions of species across the universe and every one of them has a sense of home," Missy had stepped up behind her. She hadn't noticed her approach nor turned when she spoke. Instead enthralling herself to the sound of seagulls above and distant rhythm of the sea lapping against the sand. "This is where you began isn't it?"

"Blackpool was never really my home. I just grew up here." Clara clarified.

"Same thing to you humans isn't it?" asked Missy before sighing indignantly. "Should I have taken you back to London instead?!"

"No, no!" Clara protested earnestly, "This is good Missy. Very good." It was the first time she had looked at her since last next. Her face was all pointed features, her eyes dark and uncaring. And she had wept in her arms until she slept. How embarrassing. Her cheeks began to burn and she averted her eyes hoping she hadn't read too much into her. When Missy tutted Clara raised her vacant gaze and flinched when Missy reached out to stoke the laced fabric of her collar with her thumb and index finger.  
"No bow tie. I really thought you'd appreciate it." said the Mistress and Clara took a step back, leaving her hand open and lingering mid air before she lowered it with a slap against her thigh.

God this woman was infuriating. Clara scrunched her brows curiously, feeling a small layer of her armour return. And so she turned, defying her earlier instinct to look away and locked eye contact with the Time Lady. "Why?" she asked; a simple question.

At the question she quirked a brow, "Why what? I do a lot of questionable things dear."

"Why bring me here? Why take me in? Why...Everything?"

"The request of a mutual friend," she informed.

"You mean..?"

"Yes," replied she "and besides," she continued, "This is where you started Clara Oswald. Where my little control freak took her first steps into becoming a force of nature. Whatever happens next, seems only fitting it happen here. Poetic even."

"Poetic?" she inquired, her guard raising ever so slightly again.

"Oh I'm sorry. Was that not you doing a very bad job a killing yourself last night?" And Clara was stripped to the core. Pure dread pitted in her stomach, a sickly sense balled in her throat and Missy sniggered and roared into laughter. "Seriously though you should've seen you! All shaking and weepy and bleeding. That little prayer you whispered on the edge and oh, so much apologising!"

"Stop it.." said Clara, barely a whisper.

"And at first I was mad! Thought you were cheating me out of a good kill! And it _**would**_ have been good you know. I had a thousand things lined up for you Clara. But then the Doctor went and died and you got _**boring**_."

"Please just.." she cried meekly. Missy pressed forward, becoming a shadow looming over her.

"I suppose it worked out for the best! Especially considering... Well, even with all the things I could've done to you..."

"Shut it!" Clara roared though gritted teeth. Her body tensing when Missy cupped her face, rubbing in with her thumbs the many tears that stained her skin like polish to treasured silverware. And then she added, her voice a purr, "Nothings been more beautiful than watching you tear yourself apart."

Clara collapsed to her knees and Missy recoiled. Hands in the air as if the weeping girl was diseased. "Oh no, not the noise pup. Cry all you like but put yourself on mute! People will stare." she yanked the human up by the arm and supported her until she was stable. " There we go! Still want to know why I've been watching you?" Clara didn't respond. She took that for a 'yes', " Well then. Mummy wants a coffee. Care to join?" she offered her a hand to hold. A moment passed and it was clear Clara would make no such movement. Instead Missy leapt to her side, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and walking them both towards the promenade.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Apologies for everything. WARNING: Missy.**

Walked, the did, to a cafe that was all windows. Three walls of thick glass blocked out the sounds of road and ocean which lay on either side. In the northern stretch of town, there were few people to observe them, the pathways seeing little footfall even in peak hours. However they weren't without company. In the cafe where they sat centre place, sipping on a tall latte and soothing tea, they were surrounded by other patrons. The elderly sort with pocket sized dogs, round glasses and newspapers. The two of them were something of an oddity, the only other youth in site being the tea boy who served them and deposited a bowl of sugar on their table specifically for Clara's tea. Missy raised her latte for a long swallow and Clara did like wise, relishing the warmth it brought to her body against the unshaking chill the room harboured. Their cups were lowered with a clink.

"I trust you remember this?" Missy inquired, having reached into a pocket and brought forth the Doctor's confession dial.

"His confession dial." Clara answered, taking a hearty glug of her tea to calm her nerves. "He still gave it to you then."

"Still struggling to come to terms with our friendships Miss Oswald," she shook her head sadly, "Well, you're only human."

"What does it say then?"

"You'll want to hear this for yourself." claimed Missy, and she activated the dial with a touch of her finger.

" _This is the last will and testament of the Time Lord known as the Doctor. My confession. This dial is to be delivered and opened by the Time Lord known as Missy or the Master, depending on events. This dial entails..."_ Missy's fingers danced along the surface of the dial. "Dreadfully long this is dear. Let's just skip to the relevant bits." she withdrew her hand and the dial continued.  
 _"...Clara. My Clara. Perhaps I am a fool to trust you with this Missy, but what other choice do I have? I suspect you don't want to hear the long speech but know that once I am gone she will be alone. Lost and scared. Rassilon, what have I made of her! Please, if you are the friend you claim to be; the friend I use to know...Protect her. Keep her safe, from others and from herself. That was my failing. You know what may need to be done. And another..."_

Another series of taps and the dial was silenced. She pocketed it once more, letting silence fall between them, disrupted by the shrill yapping of a dog by the window, cutlery and glass, a person coughed, another sneezed.

"He wants me to wipe you memories." Missy informed her, taking another sip of her latte with an extended little finger. Clara's heart dropped. Her breath hitched and she braced herself back in her chair. Mind on edge, her body tensed, fully anticipating Missy reaching across the table at any moment to complete the deed. But she hadn't, she was still intent on talking and Clara had many questions.  
"You've got it wrong, Missy. How would he... No. Why would he do that?"

"You're asking, so you know I'm not wrong. He want to protect you, even in death. If I take your memories of him and shout about it enough to a few mercenaries and alien war lords then your status as a target of strategic value is made void. And without those memories tormenting you so you'd have no drive to attempt what you did last night again. Well expect from the usual human woes. You should know as a friend I intent to honour his request."

"I won't let you!" Clara declared, her body trembling, eyes scanning the room for a possible exit.

"You think you could stop me."

"No!You can do this Missy! He can't take my- He has no right!" she bawled, her voice heated and angry. From her seat she rose, fist clenched on either side of the table, looming over Missy so that she seemed small in her eyes. Her chair fell backwards with a crash, drawing many eyes towards them and from behind Missy the owner of the yapping dog approached and tapped on her shoulder.

"Excuse me, could you please keep quiet. Some of us are-"

She was silenced when Missy withdrew her vapouriser. Sending a shot of red heat flying towards the window where a pup yelped and whimpered at it's smoking paw.

"Sort your bitch out and I'll get round to mine!" she roared at their intruder, batting away the hand that had touched her shoulder and the woman retreated immediately. They had failed to avoid a situation however, and from the window the woman's parter was now standing, striding towards them and the tea boy to had emerged from around the counter.

"Missy!" Clara exclaimed with no small volume of alarm.

"Oh, humanity." Missy sighed and leaned forward to grab Clara' flinching wrist. A soft shockwave emitted from her gadget passed through them to every corner of the room. All but they had come to a standstill then Missy released her hand. "A time stop, you've seen them before."

"Yes," agreed she, soothing her wrist, "and I never want to see it again!" she exclaimed, rejecting what ever conversation had yet to pass and making her way to the door. Missy was hot on her heels, closing the door forcefully when she had just opened it.

"Now poppet, we just got the chance to talk in private. Why are you so eager to leave?"

"You really need to ask?! You're going to take my memories, everything I am, I'm not going to sit back and take it! Let me leave!" she ordered uselessly, she opened the door once more only for Missy to close it, fusing the lock with her vapouriser. Clara slammed the glass in rage.

Missy walked back to her table in a saunter, "I agree with you, Clara."

"What?" asked Clara, following her back caustiously.

"The Doctor has no right to decide what's best for you, to take your memories of him. There are other ways to keep you safe and ultimately your fate should be yours to decide." Missy set Clara's chair upright and gestured for her to sit and she did, maintaining vigilance against Missy's possible trickery. When Missy sat, she checked the time on a watch on her wrist them proceeded to pour more tea for Clara and herself. She drank hers black and unsweetened, Clara barely took a sip.

"I have a proposal," Missy announced lowering her cup.

"You said you were going to honour his wishes."

"And I will. I will keep you safe to the best of my abilities."

"You'll excuse me If I don't believe you."

"Of course."

"What do you propose?"

"Travel with me,"

Clara was silenced, unsure if her ears deceived her. "Sorry, did you just-"

"Ask you to come with me?" Missy finished, "Yes. With me you'll be safe for as long as you want to be. If you say no, and you still want to die I can respect you're decision. There are places the TARDIS can take you where you will be killed within a week. And your blood will be screaming from the adrenaline you won't even care what it is that kills you. Could be me! What do you say?"

Clara was shaking her head, slowly processing what had just been asked of her. There was an itch in her veins and a heat in her cheeks she couldn't deny. She longed to travel and see the stars again but travelling with Missy was not an outcome she had foreseen, even now it was difficult to picture but Missy pushed forward, "The Doctor asked many thing in his dial, there are tasks to complete, surely dangers to face, you're his friend too can you really say you want not part in this."

"He didn't want me to."

"He was going to wipe your mind without your consent perhaps you should stop holding him on such a pedestal. And once we've done all we've been asked to, all of time and space. Everything that ever was or will be. Everything at the touch of a button, come with me Clara!"

'Yes' lingered on the edge of her tongue, her throat screaming soundlessly. She saw herself running, running fast. A new hand clasping hers. The thrill in her step and the smile on her face. It was the smiling that made her sad, remembering the how the visual interface had this morning turned into him. How long would he watch until he became someone else. The scream in her throat had balled into something ill tasting, guilt at the thought of happiness without him. It felt like a betrayal on her part and she would not allow herself to commit to that.  
"No. Just no." answered Clara at long last and she released her inner conflict in a shaking breath.

"No," repeated Missy, accepting the rejection with another sip of her bitter tea.

"I can't just can't," Clara continued, something of an apologies.  
"It's okay, Clara, I understand."

Another shaking breath left Clara and she realise she was trembling not unlike last night. Despite all the pain her memories would bring her she had to ask, beg if needs be. "Please don't take my memories."

Missy lowered her cup with a clink. She checked her watch and the tiniest of smiles pulled at her lips. "Oh, but my dear Clara," she leaned forward, cupping Clara's chin with her hand and smiling fully when she felt the heat in her skin. "It's already began." Clara pulled away from her touch, eyes wide and confused.

"How's your tea? Sweet enough?" she inquired and Clara launched herself from her seat, rocking the table in doing so and then her legs buckled beneath her. She dropped with a startled gasp, hands pulling at the tablecloth for support. "Sorry, leg's are always the first to go." Missy teased, laughing as Clara attempted to regain balance and ultimately failing each time. Her lips moved to form words but she was rendered voiceless. A rush of cold threatened her balance and she was bound to crawl across the tiles. Weaving through the frozen patrons she slowly inched towards to the door she had attempted earlier. Missy followed her.

"The door's still locked pup," said Missy as Clara tried to open it, her head leaned flat against the window when she realise this to be true. "Besides, where are you going to go? You've got no Doctor, and no human medicine can touch what I've given you." By the time she approached Clara had flopped down into a sitting position, her eyes grey and languid looking up and her, each breath more laboured than the last. She attempted to raise her arm and her mouth murmured from the desire to speak. Then Missy pressed the point of her heel ever so lightly into Clara's stomach, applying pressure and teasing out the pain. "Squisshhhhh!" Missy squeeled and bawled into laughter as Clara's face clenched, her eyes rolled back and their lids fluttered until it was clear that she had passed out. Sitting down besides her, she pulled her close so her head flopped against her shoulder and waited for her to come to. It wasn't long until she did and she woke to a round of cold sweat. Once more she tried to speak, her mouth gaping silently like a fish out of water and her hand raised limply to Missy's collar. She batted it away with little effort.

"Try not to speak dear. Any moment now you're going to start foaming at the mouth and it'll be very unattractive. Just listen." She stroked her hair away from her forehead and with her other hand withdrew a small white capsule from her pocket. With minimal pressure it crushed between her fingers becoming fine granules. "Powered bark from a Silver Lomus tree. Galifrayan origin. Strong enough to send a Time Lord flying into their next regeneration with no memories of who they use to be. Makes the next one very suggestible to authorities. Very useful tool to quell the rebels but unfortunately that means I knew where to find it. And unfortunately for you Clara, without the antidote it's just plain old death but at least you're ready dressed for the undertaker." she paused, pulling her in to kiss her damp forehead. She whimpered once more. "Oh! What's this I have in my pocket?!" And so she withdrew a small vial, a golden remedy swimming within. " A human-compatible antidote in my pocket all along, what sort of luck is that Clara! Here you go, a present from me."she placed the vial in her palm and wrapped her shaking fingers around it, so that she held it securely. "Of course it's not without side effects. You'll still lose your memories, everything from the Doctor, you family and ….Mathematics probably but nothing that can't be relearned, after you've remastered speech that is," once more she sniggered and laughed, and in a deeper tone she added, "Alternatively you can die. There you go Clara Oswald, your fate in your hands. If you want still want to die, they just to nothing, otherwise take sip and Clara Oswald can start again. You're choice." she prodded her stomach once more. "Say something nice." and in a sudden burst of strength Clara pulled her close, brought her ear to her mouth and whispered two words before lying back with a sigh. Gone was Missy's smile after than and she rose to leave.  
"On second thought." she turned, "No it isn't." and in a flash the cold rim of the vial was pressed against her mouth, the antidote slipping down her throat before she could protest, her fate sealed behind her lips with a kiss so fleeting she wasn't sure if it had happened. Her vision began to blacken and her head rolled forward. She caught the flare of purple pass her by and a sudden shock ran through her body. People began moving, crowding by her and speaking over one another until it wasn't clear who say what. Tomorrow morning, she would wake up a nameless woman in hospital with no idea where she was.

* * *

 **AN: Hello all. There is something of a sequel/continuation of this story in the works but I'm still pulling threads together, it'll take place some time after this chapter so I may make it a separate story, I'm not sure yet. And, as I'm sure you are too, I'm still recovering from Face The Raven, It'll probably be a while until I can bear to put Clara through more hardship. Till next time, farewell.**


End file.
